Friday, May 15, 2009

"I like cheetos!" And other meaningless forms of self expression!

When did the memo come out that people must gratuitously announce what they like, who they are, what they do? I would like to live in a world where no one tells anyone anything and we have to figure it all out. Imagine if you will a place where there were no titles or self promotion at all. Maybe you are somewhat socially inept, and you need a mechanic and a new friend. You would then have to pick up the phonebook and call all of the names asking "Are you a mechanic?" Ninety percent of them will say no, but perhaps someone will think you have a charming phone voice and offer you a date! Sometimes I feel like that would be much more interesting than just opening up the phonebook to the mechanic section and picking out which name sounds the most "Grease-Monkey"-ish. And as for people announcing what they like...Who Cares?!!!! Whoopadee doo! Common interests are just ways for common people to connect without having to utilize any brain cells. "I like bugs!"
"Me, too!" Sounds innocent enough right? But what if the second person is referring to eating bugs. And now you are friends with the bug eater because he said he likes bugs too and you feel bad for the bugs all of the time because he eats them... Do you see how dangerous this has the potential of being? And think of all of the poor bugs that were distroyed in this analogy! Music lovers are another big one. "I like Music!"
"Me too!" Uh oh, I hope that the first person wasn't referring to Madonna in the Musical-turned-movie
Evita', because what sort of huge mistake would that be to the guy who loves Peabo Bryson? My daughter likes to get an attitude in the car when a good song comes on..."Stop singing, I like this song!" Now this method of the usage is ingenious. Presuming that you liking something makes you in charge of it. I like this idea. So now I am herefor in charge of... The Beatles, Calla Lillies , Rocky Road Ice cream and liking this idea. I would like to think that being in charge of these items will increase my street credibility and help me retain status.
Now people declaring their love for stuff...that's just crazy talk. I mean, have you seen all of the people sporting I love New York tee shirts? That many people can't love New York, New York probably doesn't have that much love to go around and the last time I checked New York is monogamous so Philidelphia is probably looking for some asses to kick. Or people who say "I love the dodgers!" I mean, do you love ALL of the dodgers because some of them look really bad in baseball pants and don't play much. And if you didn't love them to their face while wearing a "Go Dodgers" Tee shirt then they would have hurt feelings. We have got to stop all of this insanity people! We have got to go around and be totally ambiguous, like this one guy I know who says he dates men but gets mad when I call him "Hey girl"! He might be gay, he might be straight...he might just be too damn confused to get a date with either sex, but when I look at him I think "Now there is someone I can appreciate, he lets me think what ever I want about him which is what I was going to do anyway!" I wont say I "Like" him because then I would be a big fat hipocryte to my own theories of post-modern humanity. Brotha's and Sista's, we owe it to ourselves to say "Who Cares what you like!" and "I am whatever you want me to be." That is true freedom my people! Save the bugs! Save the Dodgers!

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