missing something

I really don't know how I feel these days.  I wish I could pinpoint happy or sad.  Calm or angsty.  I just feel slightly numb.

There is a societal phenomenon happening

I mean, what happened to guys who like their girlfriends?  Does is take someone else to realize that you really do love the one you are with?  Have you been the unliked girlfriend?  Perhaps the unliked other girl?   Hmmm, can't win can we?  Ah, but we can!!

Sometimes...

I feel you in my bones.  It's like I am alone, but you are still there...arguing with me, tangling your legs up in mine as we watch TV.  Why are there any other girls...how could there be?  Would your lips kiss mine with the passion you did only once?  Would they kiss another's that way?  Will you be as you promised...or as everyone else did?

wheeellll....

I knew that I couldn't write on this blog EVERY DAY, but I will be attempting to do better soon!  I am not sure if the "labels" section is the same as the google tags?!  Hmmmmm

In all the fights we have had, at least my boyfriend...

Never called me a c*nt!  Which is more than I can say for my friend Jimi.  I went over to my friends Christen and Will's house (Is that how you write that?!).  Jimi, an old friend, was there too
and we had a really nice dinner.  Then, as we were all making sarcastic banter, I threw in a line about people who spend too much on a wedding when they can't really afford it, but in not such a nice way (but I WAS being sarcastic).  Well, it didn't really settle well with him and he proceeded to begin hitting me repeatedly below the belt.  He mentioned some things that I had no idea he knew about.  Things which you should never EVER throw in someones face to cause them harm.  I do understand that sometimes when people make jokes someone can strike a wrong chord and anger someone, but this was a little crazy.  He even called me the C word.  I can't write it up here although I am not a prude...it's just too shocking for even me.  My brother used to call me that a lot so I was a bit desensitized to it at the time, but it did infuriate Christen.  The night ended with us having cleared it all up...and me accidentally stealing Christen's lighter, but I still can't believe it happened...So, let it be a lesson.  If some sarcastic jokester is dishing it out and you dish it back...careful you aren't better at it than him or you'll piss him off so bad that he will call you the C word.  That is all.

A blog with no real direction, and no real start or finish line? Is this a metaphor for my life?

Yeah, I am that one girl.  You know, the one with a million great ideas all jumbled together like string all tangled into a ball.  I couldn't even begin to start unraveling it, but I am sure that I would gladly tangle a few more into it.  I know that lately it has gotten worse.  Along with the usual and typical musings of my dreaming mind I am faced with some of those ugly things you people out there like to call "Responsibilities" or my favorite "Stressors".  To be a bit more specific, at this time last year I was attempting to think of the best way to save my house from foreclosure... Since then I have proceeded to lose the house, along with two kitty cats, two goldfish (one of whom was fed salmon in a cannibalistic manner by a mystery person ranging in age from 8 to 10 years old, the other jumped out of the tank in a suicidal fit), my job, my boyfriend a couple of times (the same one), and in a final blow... My car succumbed to a one ton tree limb tearing through the top of it.  I did manage to lose a few things that I was happy to be rid of, such as my pride, and my ego...but my privacy is something that I miss now being a 28 year old resident of my parent's home.  And along with all of this I gained something wonderful and priceless.  I gained divine humility.  Now, that is a term that I made up so bear with me, I will explain.  I am sitting here in the new year with a sense of self and of my own spirit that I never would have had without breaking my way to it.  I was forced to reassess my life.  To look at myself through the eyes of truth, which can be brutal.  I realized that I really do have all of the important stuff still.  My daughter, my family and my faith.  I even got my boyfriend back (for now).  So...Now what do you do?  Now that you thought your endings were just, in fact, beginnings?  Someone once told me that I needed to find my story...well, I hope to dedicate this next year to just that.  I know that I am a couple of days late...and I am sure that I will neglect a few days, but I promise to do my best to untangle one string every day...then knit something with it.  I hope that you will all share this with me!